Ten Unusual Things To Be Told An Hour Before A Gig

These are from my own experience. Some of these last minute surprises were pleasant, some not so. Some were just plain worrying.

• "There's no room for a guitar amp onstage, but our soundman will help you plug your guitar directly into the PA."
• "The agreement with your bandleader was that the band only gets paid if there are at least 300 people in the club."
• "You guys are the jazz band? Great! Some guests might want to come up and sing some songs in Mandarin."
• "Can you find a sub for me? I've got tickets to Metallica.. woohoo!"
• "The bass guitar your bassist is playing looks like mine. It was stolen from my car last year!"
• "Didn't your agent mention that the dress code for tonight is all white?"
• "Do you have a business card? Next time I will call you guys directly instead of going through your agent."
• "The President will be seated at the table directly in front of the stage. Try not to play too loud."
• "The band should start playing Happy Birthday immediately after the Bunny jumps out of the cake."
• "Can you guys play striptease music?"